Guess what, the Poms make wine!

Don't feel bad if you didn't know the Poms had a wine industry. Hardly any English person we spoke to knew either. Those that did gave that funny look. A cross between 'what's that smell' and 'you're not going to eat that, surely!'. This isn't that surprising really as most of them drink beer. Those that don't drink French, Italian or even Californian wine. 

But make no mistake England, and even Wales, has a wine industry. There are around 400 vineyards scattered across the old country. In fact this industry shares many similarities with it's Tasmanian cousin. Most vineyards are small family owned enterprises. Most send their grapes to one of a small number of dominant contract winemakers. Lastly they are over shadowed by a larger industry located across a small stretch of water. 

If you're planning to go to England or Wales here's a tip. Don't call English or Welsh wine British wine. This is an absolute clanger and will reveal you to be an ignorant foreigner who should have been stopped at the border. You see British wine is made from imported grapes and is by all accounts 'rubbish'. English or Welsh wine, on the other hand, is made from grapes grown in the UK and is not and can never be rubbish. Bottles are clearly marked so you shouldn't make this mistake.

We only had time to visit 5 vineyards. A pathetically small sample from which to draw any conclusions. But we won't let that bit of statistical science law stop us. According to our copy of "The vineyards of England and Wales" their reds are elegant and fruity. They are neither of these things. What they are is grassy and thin or sometimes slightly sweet, grassy and thin.

Rose is an exception to this general rule and on occasion can be quite drinkable especially when consumed with the local delicacy 'toad in the hole'. For the uninitiated this is sausages cooked in a Yorkshire batter. It is absolutely delicious.  It is also effective in any reprogramming system designed to turn vegans and vegetarians back into normal people.

The whites, however, are a different proposition. English winemakers are definately on to something. Most of the wines we tried had a smooth and satisfying flavour. They tended to taste mostly of vanilla or rose water. The mouthfeel was soft and round. Punters used to the intensity and acid structure of a Tassie riesling will probably find the English white too restrained. You might even call them bland.

We were told repeatedly not to compare English wine with the Australian variety but it's hard not to use what you know as a reference. Overall, think of most English whites in terms of a New Zealand Sauvignon Blanc and you will get the general idea.

The other thing to be aware of is that the white wines are graded by their level of sweetness. You'll see bottles marked 'dry', 'medium' and 'sweet'. The 'medium' wines seemed to be the most versatile and consistent.

Where did we go, what did we taste

Denbies Vineyard

This vineyard and label is England's largest. Most of their grapes are used for sparkling wine but they do keep some for their table wine range. The thing to realise about Denbies is they cater for coach (bus) tourists. Visiting Denbies is about having a wine 'experience'. This means that there are tours, a gift shop and a cafeteria style eatery. For those on a bigger budget there is also a gallery and restaurant.

This is not a place for wine lovers or food lovers as it happens. Initially all was well. We caught the train from London to the quaint village of Dorking. A short stroll later we started to pass the vines. The scenic and not too long driveway led us to the Denbies HQ. The complex looks quite impressive but the coach parking bay should have warned us that we were heading for disappointment.

Tastings are held in the gift shop and we were fortunate to be served by a friendly and knowledgeable staff member. Only some of the white range was available to try since all the reds had sold out. We can't imagine who to. The wines were pleasant enough for us to decide to buy a glass of the couple we didn't try. Off to the cafeteria we went.

Deciding to have some cheese with the wine we noticed that one of the plates had rotting grapes. Concerned we let the staff know. Not only didn't they thank us for bringing this potential health crisis, lawsuit frenzy and publicity nightmare to their attention, but we got the "do you mind, my friend and I were having a conversation" look.

Again warnings of impending doom were ignored. We purchased a non-rotting tasting plate and sat down. The biscuits were stale and the cheese dodgy. We thought about braving the surly staff again but they were all in hiding. We suspect they knew what we would want to talk to them about.

So in summary. Denbies Vineyard, ok wines spoilt by rotting or stale food and poor service. You'd call it the McDonalds of the English wine industry but that would be an insult to McDonalds.

Tiltridge Farm

This pleasant looking farm is reached after travelling down some of the single lane country roads for which England is famous. These 'roads' are rated two way but can only fit one car going in one direction at a time. There are laybys along the way so that if you meet a car or truck or tractor coming the other way who ever is closest to the layby reverses into it. You could be reversing for a while. Oh and there are often no road signs just to make things more fun.

The wines here were vastly superior to anything we tried at Denbies. In fact we brought a couple of bottles of their Elgar and Dorabella. The owners are classical music lovers as you can probably tell. Dorabella was the composer Elgar's main squeeze apparently. 

The staff member in the cellar door also works in the other business run from the farm so did little other than pour the wines. However, she was very friendly. We also met one of the owners, Sandy Barker, who gave us a quick lesson in the British verses English wine stoush.

The wine was served in plastic thimbles. Where to start. Plastic, as we know, supresses the highlights of the wine and should never be used. Thimbles are for sewing and should never be used outside this noble craft. To us the combination screams either amateur hour or 'we don't quite care enough about the wine to show it off at it's best'. Why go to all the trouble and expense to produce a very reasonable wine and then put it in thimbles?

This is all the more perplexing because the wine we purchased tasted so much better when put in proper wine glasses. There is a very good chance that the 'thimble approach' is costing Tiltridge sales.

Three Choirs Vineyard

Three Choirs is one of the three major contract wine makers in England. It is a beautiful site and there are impressive views to be had over the vineyard. They have also gone the gift shop route but on a smaller scale. They also offer food which looked pretty impressive. There was also an attempt to inform prospective punters about vineyards in general. There was a panel called 'plant your own vineyard', and the varieties they use.

The innovation didn't stop there. The £5 ($8) tasting involves selecting five wines from the available range and then picking up a paddle which holds your selections. We saw this done in a brewery in the Hunter Valley and we like it. The tasting sizes were good and the wine was in glass. 

The wines exhibited the soft rounded characters we had already come to expect. While pleasant, none impressed us to the point of wanting to purchase a bottle. But then we spied a 2006 Cellar Release Pinot Noir. Checking with the staff we realised that this would be our only opportunity to try an English pinot so throwing caution to the wind we made the 'investment'.

This £16 ($29) wine was unutterably, desperately and mind numbingly awful. It wasn't one of those 'it's so bad it's good' situations, it was just gobsmackingly bad. We have never tried anything so poor. It tasted like the grapes had been de-stemmed, crushed, smothered in sulphur and then bottled. 

The folk at Three Choirs know how to make wine. The quality of their other wines proves that, and so does the fact that Three Choirs produces good wines for other vineyards like Astley. So we are at a complete loss to explain why this wine is so dreadful. We suspect that pinot is not a variety that should be grown in England.

St Anne's Vineyard

This vineyard is worth a visit purely for the ancient house and even more extreme single country laneways you experience along the way. The owner, David Jenkins had been at a tiring and disappointing farmers market earlier in the day and probably explained his extremely brief answers to our questions.

There is a huge range to try at St Anne's and they are happy to open anything you fancy. "The grape wines are in the front and the others at the back" we were told. They make nearly everything into wine, even parsnips.

It pains us to say it but of everything we tried only the Rose was close to being enjoyable. We bought a bottle and it made an acceptable second bottle at dinner. If you are into fruit wines there is a very good chance you'll find something you like, otherwise probably not.

Astley Vineyard

Disappointingly the owner's name was Jonty rather than Rick. But he was the funniest and most interesting of all the people we met. He cheerfully agreed that no one in England is making a decent red, which was a relief to us. We were starting to wonder if we were Australian wine snobs. 

Of all the vineyards we saw, Astley was the one that reminded us the most of a small Tasmanian vineyard. The issues we discussed were almost identical to those facing our industry. It was a case of deja vu all over again. It helped that the wines were probably the best we tasted.

Astley's confirmed to us that England can make a quality white. We liked them so much we bought quite a few. Even some of our beer drinking 'Geordie' relatives were impressed. This is no mean feat. The place is definately worth a visit and we think you will be impressed with the Madeline Angevine and Kerner varieties.

Rose Bank Vineyard

This vineyard is open by appointment only. Don't be put off when you arrive. The vines are at the back of what appears to be a normal suburban home. A lot of people drive past because they don't believe there is a vineyard. This is a mistake. The owners (Richard and Rita Tomkinson) are doing some very good things here.

The site is ideal for the sort of grape varieties that flourish in England. Richard has tried to interest the neighbouring land owner in a partnership so the vineyard can be expanded. Depressingly the huge field next door looks like being sold to a developer. 450 homes will be built on this fertile and vine friendly soil. If this happens Rose Bank may also dissappear. To our mind England needs more houses like people need two heads.

The tastings are held in Richard's garage. Unfortunately the plastic thimbles made a reappearance. He did warn us that the wine on tasting had been open a day or two and went on to say that he would appreciate knowing if we thought this was too long. Being brave souls we agreed to carry on.  The length of time the bottles were opened didn't appear to have affected the wine too much. In fact we quite liked them so we purchased a couple of bottles.

While we stand by our 'English reds should not be made' principle the 2009 Rose Bank Regent made us stop and think. As it happens the Regent vines sit in a sheltered, sunny pocket and this extra heat has made a real difference. Frankly it lacked the body of a Tassie pinot but it was fruity and enjoyable. Our English relatives, who were our English red wine guinea pigs, had suffered one ordinary red after another. Such was their torment that they had refused to try anymore. After some serious pursuasion we convinced them to taste the Rose Bank Regent. This restored our wine credibility somewhat. "It's not awful" they enthused. "We'd actually buy it" they went on.

Overall impressions

We're glad there is an English wine industry. In many ways it reminded us of the Tassie industry in the 1980's. There are a number of small operations with dedicated and passionate people trying to make something special. In parts this is working and we are looking forward to going back and trying more. It was also interesting to see the reactions of our English family members when they tried the wines. After they got over the surprise that such a thing existed they were impressed and we think more than a little proud.

If you go to England you should visit the vineyards. Just like in Tassie the smaller operators will surprise and interest you. The good wines aren't over priced and will match with English and other cusine reasonably well. We certainly liked what they are doing with their whites, especially the Schonburger, Kerner and Madeline Angevine varieties. Just don't expect the same level of citrus and acid. Taken in their own right the white wines are showing real promise. 

What's more, according to what we read, English sparkling wine is coming along in leaps and bounds. If you try any please let us know your thoughts because we didn't get the chance.

If we could give any advice to the fine folk of the English and Welsh wine industies it would be:

Please give decent tasting sizes, serve your wine in glasses at the cellar door and in the name of all that's holy forget the reds. Seriously, please just stop.

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