Champagne long on caves short on tasting!

I'm writing this while travelling at over 250 km/hr. The TGV (fast train) is smoother and quieter than my car. The French rail system is incredible and shows what can be done in a society that is serious about public transport. Standing on a platform when a TGV goes through at full blast is an ear bleeding, trouser soiling but immensely exhilarating experience.

In comparison if the freight trains in Tasmania go over 50 km/ hr they crash. This is why it takes 12 hrs for them to go from one end of the state to the other.

I mention this because it took less than 45 minutes to cover the 120 kms from Paris to Reims (pronounced - clear throat ance). This capital of the Champagne region is home to a number of Maison de Champagne (Champagne houses).

If you're of the 'bubbly makes my mouth sing' persuasion then Reims, along with Epernay, is the place to be to try this amazing wine.

There are a couple of problems however. There are no tastings as we would understand them. Every maison has a 'cave' tour. These underground tunnels are where the champagne bottles are stored while they age. This would be fine if it were voluntary. It's not. If you want to get those bubbles down the hatch you have to go on that tour first. You have to hear about how the caves keep the champagne at the right temperature, what sizes the bottles come in and how all the good stuff is kept behind locked gates.

Asking if you can simply try the champagne causes the maison staff to look outraged, shocked and appalled. This is entertaining since most of the time they look surly but elegant.

It gets worse. Even after the tour, which involves going down and then up a huge number of stairs, you only get to try one or possibly two champagnes. The most expensive tour/ tasting we 'enjoyed' cost us €40 ($54). This entitled us to an hour long explanation of the process for making champagne followed by two small glasses of champagne that wasn't their best or even a vintage.

You see champagne tasting is both an expensive and potentially thirsty business. We walked to all the maisons, which during summer would be quite an effort, and then walked more during the tour. If you are a couch potato you will not enjoy, or even possibly survive, the experience.

To be fair the cave tours can be fun and interesting. Some maisons have caves that were dug by hand during the Roman Empire. Maison Pommery had a very interesting modern art exhibition in their caves. If you pick your tour you also can avoid all those stairs (one place had 116 of them). For example while you walk down stairs at Maison Mumm it has a lift to get back up.

Just be aware that all the tours are similar. Same handsome men or attractive women giving the same information in the same order with the same attractive accent. Despite the charm it can get repetitive. 

Lastly, once in the tasting room you only get to try the champagnes they give you. None of the Maisons we went to gave you the opportunity to buy other champagne by the glass. We also noticed that even though they were cellar doors the prices were full retail.

 

Where did we go, what did we taste?

Since we were in Reims for only a day and a half we didn't get to Epernay. Many of you might think this was a mistake but it would just have been more of the same. However if you are a fan of Moet Chandon then Epernay has to be on the itinerary. Given the time we picked three of the major producers since they ran tours throughout the day. Be aware that most maisons require you to reserve a place on their tours so call ahead.

Maison de Mumm

G M Mumm, pronounced 'moom', was our first stop. It was our first experience with the Reims tourist machine. The cave tour here is a slick presentation with pretty guides and a honed delivery. The size of the operation is pretty impressive. They have some 25km of tunnels and produce millions of bottles of champagne.

It is also the place that provides the most information about the Champagne region and the masion itself. You have to sit through a pretty cheezy promotional video the highlight of which is the statement that no grapes are grown north of Champagne. Bit of a poke in the eye for the whole English wine industry!

At the end of the tour we were given two glasses of champagne. One was a Grand Cru (ie: premium) brut and the other a brut rose. The wines were as good as you would expect but not outstanding.

Overall we felt slightly cheated. You pay a lot of money for what is a very shallow explanation of the champagne making process. There is no chance to taste across the range. Neither is there the opportunity to try the Grand Cru Vintage champagnes.

If you only have time to do one tour only do it if you have deep pockets and crave information that you can read in books for free. For the rest of you this isn't the one you want.

Champagne Taittinger

Our second stop and we alreay decided that we'd had enough. So we hit on the idea of going on a foreign language tour. It just so happened that the next tour was in French so we signed up to the great amusement of the Taittinger staff.

Since all the tours follow the same format you will be surprised how much you will understand. The only thing is that the guide will say something and all the rest of the group will nod and go "oh really". Of course you will have no idea why this is significant. But don't worry the comment will probably be about a really old stair case or that the cellar master is really young, really old or a woman. 

The Taittinger tour doesn't require a reservation which is good and costs half of that at Mumm which is good. However you only get one glass of champagne which is not so good. Our tour was the last before the staff went on lunch and you could feel the tension as we stood around and tried to make our glass last that little bit longer.

Pommery

This maison is somewhat famous because it was run for a time by Louise Pommery who was one of those famous and formidable French widows. It also offered the best tour of the three. Not as much information as Mumm but they have regular art exhibitions so there are sculptures and paintings throughout the tunnels. 

You also get far more choice and by that we mean you actually get a choice. Pommery offer both a half hour or full hour tour. The difference is that the hour tour takes you round the whole art exhibition. But it also means you have to wait longer before you get to taste wine. 

The featured art exhibition was designed to show the best memories, for we assume the maison, over the last 20 years. It contained modern art none of which resembled any memories we've ever had but it made a real difference. There is something about standing in a tunnel in half light with an art installation that comprises ghost images and screaming to pump up the ambience.

After all the education and French culture we had to climb a very worn but atmospheric staircase. There were 116 steps, which one foolhardy soul ran up. Finally it was on to the tasting. Pommery also tried harder here. The staff explained what was in the range and what was on offer for tasting. There was the chance to taste a vintage champagne rather than a blend and even one from their 'prestige' range. All this for less than their competition.  

You've probably guessed that it was our favourite. If you only have time for one tour this should be it.

Overall impressions

Reims is well worth a visit especially if you love your bubbly. Our main complaint is that it's too hard and too expensive to actually try the wines. This is pretty incomprehensible given how good the champagne can be when you eventually get your hands on some, the Laurent Perrier half bottle we purchased (see picture below) for example was outstanding. This city really needs a tasting room for us time poor but enthusiastic punters. 

To get the most out of the place and to save money we suggest you:

Do at least one cave tour in your native language but any others should be in a foreign one or be built around a theme. 

Better still do one tour and then find a wine bar or wine merchant. We went to Le Parvis near the Reims Notre Dame, but there was another on the other side of the square, and buy a number of half bottles (ask for a demi-boo-tay) sit in the sun and enjoy.

Less walking and more drinking - it's the Aussie way!

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